Monday, 7 May 2018

Why I've never been one of the 'Cool Girls'

I've never been one of the 'cool girls'. In my teens it was definitely what I tried and strived to be but I never quite got there. When I think about it, I probably would never have gotten there at school as I was chubby, a little spotty and determined to get good grades so I could get the hell out of the town I grew up in. I guess it just wasn't destined to be, but that definitely didn't stop me trying. 

I had my 13 year old Avril Lavigne phase (LOL), my 14 year old Red Hot Chilli Peppers phase, my 15 year old Motorhead phase/ baggy trouser phase (the ones with all the weird strips of fabric hanging off them) and yet SOMEHOW I wasn't in the in crowd. I was really badly bullied at school so for a lot of it, I tried to keep my head down and not get in anyone's way, but I still wanted to be liked and considered cool. Ok, maybe school wasn't gonna be the place for me to do that, so I tried uni. 


Nope, uni didn't change anything. I still felt uncool. I was in a class surrounded by beautiful, smart women who had jobs like club promoting - literally paid to have fun = SO COOL. They dressed head to toe in Zara (we all know I had no chance on that front and it now being 10 years since I started uni, I still don't have a chance there - cheers Zara!). I remember feeling so pleased that one of them had messaged me on a few occasions, and now when I think back it was literally, solely on helping her with uni work. I was so pleased to speak to someone deemed 'mega cool' that I was apparently, happy to be used. Not that cool, and actually pretty sad. 

So now, at the wise ol' age of 28 I have fully accepted that I am not cool. Now, you might think blogging as a job is glam and pretty cool, and yes it has its perks but I assure you its not that glam and I'm REALLY not that cool. Sometimes (most of the time) I'd rather stay in in my PJ's with a face mask on watching Don't Tell The Bride than be at an event. When I get blogger mail and show it on insta stories you don't see the absolute HOARD of cardboard boxes I have because I have this thing where I think that they'll be really handy when we next move so I have to keep every. single. one. I don't listen to cool music like 'indie' stuff... honestly is that even cool anymore? I love Little Mix, One D, and The Les Mis soundtrack (honestly, I could belt out that soundtrack word for word). I'm not a fashion nova/ PLT kinda cool instagram girl. Sometimes I go out wearing shoes my gran probably wouldn't even wear cause I'm all about the comfort. 

Fully appreciate that this sounds mega cheesy but I guess I've learned that the things that make us unique, 'weird', different, our wee quirks are what make us cool. It's not about all the stuff you have, who you are or aren't associated or pals with, its just being yourself and not really caring if you come across as cool or not. F*ck being in the 'popular' crowd. F*ck conforming just so people like you. As a fat girl I'm already -1000 points on the cool scale and dya know what I'M COOL WITH THAT

P.s. I assure you there are some V E R Y cool fat girls out there, in the wild, living their excellent lives. If you're looking for a few to follow then check out my pals Bethany and Grace - two women I really admire for being unapologetically themselves. 

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